The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh mighty omniscient Oracle, fount of all knowledge, keeper of all
> wisdom, here the plea of this poor soul...
> What is Kraft American "cheese-like food" *really* made of?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} In order from largest amount to smallest amount, it's made of:
} *deep breath*
} Thiamin mononitrate, ferrous sulfate, sodium benzoate, benzium
} sodioate, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, dexadrin, soy
} lecithin-an emulsifier, kitten katothol, sodium ascorbate and
} ascorbic acid, pyridoxine hydrochloride, hydrochloric palmitate,
} phosphoric acid, lactic acid starter culture, BHA, BHT, maltodextrin,
} LL-cysteine hydrochloride, ammonium sulfate, monocalcium phosphate,
} THBQ, MVBMS, bits of Jimmy Hoffa, ethylhexyl p-methoxycinnamate,
} oxybenzone, 2-ethyhexyl salicyate, homosalate, snips and snails and
} puppydog tails, PEG-8, silica, cetyl phosphate, acrylates/C10-30
} alkyl acrylate crosspolymer, diazolidinyl urea, methylparaben,
} popylparaben, disodium EDTA, propylene glycol, patent pending,
} triethanolamine, THC, PABA, canthaxanthin, 5-hydroxy tryptophan,
} adenosine triphosphate, synthetic iron oxide, nasty squid
} tentacles, ferrous gluconate, toasted partially defatted cooked
} cottonseed flour, radioactive waste, titanium dioxide, riboflavin,
} potassium sodium copper chlorophyllin (chlorophyllin-copper
} complex), luminescent zinc sulfide, sunlight, strawberry alarm
} clocks, 1,4-Bis((2-hydroxy-ethyl)amino)-9,10-anthracenedione
} bis(2-propenoic)ester copolymers, hydroxyethyl methacrylate, vinyl
} alcohol/methyl methacrylate-dye reaction products, acrylamide, love,
} sweet love, KAVA, hydrocodone w/APAP, alprazolam, triamterine/HCTZ,
} some bad vibes that are just making me freak out, man, glucophage,
} rantidine HCI, metaprolol tartrate and milk.
} And here I bet you thought it didn't have any milk in it at all, huh?
} You owe the Oracle a new spellchecker--I burned mine out on this