Characters
Playwright
Easily Offended Person
Multitalented Character #1
Multitalented Character #2

(note--do NOT read this note aloud--Easily Offended Person should remain in the audience until his/her entrance.)

(Open with playwright alone on stage.)
P: Hmmm...It's 9:30 on a Friday night. And it's No Shame Night. At Chelsea, that is. I'm going to craft a script. A magnificent script. A script.....like the world has never seen before. But I've heard there might be prospies there. I'd better be sure that my masterpiece won't offend anyone.
(EOP stands up in audience.)
EOP: I object! This script is clearly intended as a parody of easily offended people, and as an easily offended person, I am offended!
P: Terrific! You're just the sort of person I need! Now c'mon up here and I'll run some ideas past you. If they don't offend you, they won't offend anyone!
(EOP goes up onto the stage.)
P: How about this one? (Pretends to write a line or two.) "Death in the City--A Hard-Boiled Detective Story."
(Enter MC1, as a hard-boiled detective.)
MC1: (Sits down at his desk and lights up a cigarette.) I was sitting in my office, nursing a hangover from my last case...and wondering when I could afford to buy another case of the stuff when suddenly, She walked in the door.
MC2: (Walks in.)
MC1: She had curves like the Indy 500, and legs from here to Nantucket.
MC2: I'm looking for love. Hot, burning love.
MC1: (Scribbles in a notebook, acting clueless) Hot...burning...love. Where did you see it last?
MC2: Oh, I haven't had it in a long time.
MC1: Any idea who has it now?
MC2: That's a rather personal question.
MC1: Hmmmm...what were you doing when you lost it?
MC2: Now that's a really personal question.
EOP: I object! I object! (MCs freeze.) That is clearly offensive to extremely clueless people! Not to mention honest, hardworking floozies.
P: All right.(MCs walk off) (Writes) "Bradford Picks His Nose."
EOP: Clearly offensive to rich twits.
P: (writes) "Vax Man, Hero of the CMC"
(MC1 strides on stage.)
MC1: I am Vax Man! Defender of the mighty Veblen! Enemy of intelligible computer systems!
MC2: (Skulks on.)
MC1: It is my foe, Chain Letter Guy!
MC2: You cannot defeat me, Vax Man! You cannot defeat me, Vax Man! You cannot defeat me, Vax Man! You cannot defeat me, Vax Man! (Repeat until audience groans.)
EOP: Hold it! (MCs freeze) Chain Letter Guy is portrayed as an evil character! Very offensive to people who send a lot of forwards.
P: (Waves his hand.)
(Exit MCs)
P: (Starts to write) "Overripe Dates."
(Enter MCs.)
MC2: Mom, I want to introduce Harold, my date. (Gestures at the empty air.)
MC1: (Peers at where she gestured) There's...no one there, dear.
MC2: What do you mean, he's not there? Don't say things like that to him!
MC1: (Looks extremely closely) It may be hard to break this to you, but he's not there.
MC2: (Turns to where Harold's supposed to be) Harold...Say something, Harold.
EOP: Wait, wait! (MCs freeze) This is obviously offensive to paranoid delusionals.
P: (Waves his hand.)
(Exit MCs)
P: (Starts to write) "The Godfather, Part 42."
(Enter MCs)
MC1: Honest, boss, I didn't do nothin'!
MC2: Don't lie to me. Youse been foolin around wit my dame!
MC1: She ain't no dame, she a floozy!
MC2: Don't call yo mutha a floozy!
EOP: Hold it! (MCs freeze) This is obviously offensive to English majors and rednecks!
(Exit MCs)
P: All right, last try. (Starts to write) "A poor man's guide to Chelsea."
EOP: No! That's offensive to anyone with good taste!
(Lights down.)