Characters
A monkey
Another monkey
Yet another monkey

Author's Note: No, this isn't a Night of the Bizarre parody. Yes, it was inspired by Jim's script.

Quote: "The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners." --Ernst Jan Plugge

(A monkey, Another monkey and Yet another monkey are sitting center stage, drinking vending machine coffee.)
M: So, did you type any Shakespeare today?
AM: Nope. You?
M: Me either. I did write a Xena: Warrior Princess script.
YAM: I typed "To be or," but then I hit "ANHSIAC" and ruined it.
AM: Too bad. The sooner one of us types the complete works, the sooner we'll all be able to go home.
M: Well, there's an infinite number of us, so maybe one of the others did it.
YAM: What's the point of this whole thing, anyway? If whoever's running this experiment wants the complete works of Shakespeare, why doesn't he just go out and buy them? Why all of the rigmarole with us and the typewriters?
M: Yeah, and who is he? I've never met whoever is running this operation. Have either of you?
(They shake their heads.)
AM: I've been wondering that too. And where did he, whoever he is, get an infinite number of monkeys? It's not exactly something you can pick up at your local K-mart.
YAM: Well, where were we before we were here?
(They all ponder for a moment.)
M: You know, I have no idea. The first thing I remember is pounding at that stupid typewriter.
AM: Maybe we don't really exist. Maybe we're just a philosophical construct.
YAM: What's a philosophical construct?
AM: How should I know? I'm a monkey.
M: That would explain the cat that keeps coming around.
YAM: Which cat?
M: That one. (He points.) No, wait, it's gone. There it is again.
YAM: But if we don't really exist, then what'll happen when one of us finishes typing the complete works of Shakespeare?
AM: We'll all die, or vanish, or something like that.
M: That's a problem. I'd rather keep banging at that typewriter than go wherever philosophical constructs go when they die.
YAM: Well, all we have to do is make sure that we don't type any Shakespeare.
AM: But there's an infinite number of us! We can't warn all of the others not to type Shakespeare. It would take an infinitely long time.
(They are silent for a moment.)
M: There must be a way.
YAM: What if each of us warns two other monkeys, and each of them warns two more, and so on?
AM: It'd still take an infinite amount of time.
M: We could ask Zeno. He comes around here from time to time. AM: Zeno wouldn't get us anywhere.
YAM: All we need to do is find a way around that sleeting speed of light. Then we could broadcast something to all of them at once.
M: Sleeting. I rather like that. But a good swear word doesn't solve our problems.
AM: I dunno. Let's ask the audience.
(Each monkey goes down into the audience and asks a couple of people what they should do.)
(They return to the stage.)
M: I know! We're in a play, right? And in plays, time can travel at any rate the author likes! The audience can essentially travel in time. So the audience can warn them all.
AM: That's right, folks! Tell every monkey you see not to finish writing Shakespeare!
YAM: Remember, only you can save monkeykind!
(Lights down.)