It's late at night in the FBI
Agents are writing files
There's a guy from Defense sitting next to me
He looks at me, leans over and smiles

He says, "Son, can you start a conspiracy?
To collect everyone's DNA
We can spy and murder and then cover-up
Because that's the American Way."

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Chorus:
Light up and smoke, you're the cancer man
Light up and smoke and conspire
With control of the world at your fingertips
You don't care if you're playing with fire

(Harmonica solo, interrupted by violent coughing fit)

Now Skinner the chief is a friend of mine
He hides evidence for me
And he buys me some time to set up a new crime
And make sure all my buddies go free.
I say "I know that these things are killing me,"
As the smoke drifts away from my face
"Well I'm sure that I could be a novelist
If I could get out of this place"

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Now Mulder's a conspiracy theorist
Who never had time for a life
And he's working with Scully who now trusts him fully
Although she'll never be his wife

And the fat man is practicing politics
As the well-manicured man gets blown...up
Yes, they're working both sides against everyone
But it's better than working alone.

(Harmonica solo, interrupted by violent coughing fit)

Chorus

It's a pretty good show for a Sunday
Fox's president gives me a smile
'Cause I know it's for me they turn on the TV
And tune in to the latest X-File.
And the plots, they spin like a Ferris wheel
And the aliens look kinda fake
People stare at the screen as we pull in the green
And say "Man, is this cast on the make."

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Chorus