Chelsea

Chelsea 11:17 (so-called because it met at 11:17 every Friday night) was a semi-improvisational theater group I was involved with in college. The way it worked was, people would write scripts, generally short and funny, over the course of the week. They would bring them in on Friday night, parts would get handed out to anyone who wanted one, and people would act them out on the spot. Below are the scripts I wrote or co-wrote for Chelsea. Some of them are a bit in-jokey; I've labeled them appropriately.
(The scripts below are a random sampling. Here is the whole list.)

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Oracle

The Oracle is an omniscient being that lives on the Internet. People e-mail him questions, and he sends back an answer and a question to be answered. The funniest question/answer pairings get published in the Oracular Digests. Below are the pairings that I was involved with, either as question or as answer, that made it into the digest.
(Everything you could possibly want to know about the Oracle, including links to all of the digests)

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How can I get the cute girl who lives in the dorm across from mine, to go out with me?
(Answer mine.)

Why does Hollywood have a huge sign above it stating its name?
(Answer mine.)

Where can I get a copy of the game "Real Life?"
(Question mine.)

When will Celine Dion's heart STOP? Hasn't it been going on and on long enough by now?
(Question mine.)

Did you know that if people were 100% graphite reinforced titanium steel, they'd be completely immune to gunfire, but they wouldn't be able to swim at all?
(Answer mine.)

What should I do to deliberately fail a physics exam?
(Answer mine.)

How to determine which newlywed will be in charge in the marriage?
(Answer mine.)

Was the answer funny, or not?
(Answer mine.)

[blank question]
(Answer mine.)

Should I sell out to The Man?
(Question mine.)

Why am I having these recurring dreams about Lenin?
(Question mine.)

Why can't I get my *&)^(*&^ router to let my server work?
(Question mine.)

If global warming is for real will the world reach a state where everyone goes naked all the time?
(Answer mine.)

Where have all the cowboys gone?
(Question mine.)

What is Kraft American "cheese-like food" *really* made of?
(Answer mine.)

Other writings

Things I've written that don't fit into the above categories.

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Tales of the City:Overture
Teaser for a TV series I'd love to write. "The City" is the archetypal city; you can get there from any city by getting a little to close to the city's heart. It's very difficult to get back out again.

Bedlam Express
A short story in screenplay format, inspired by my experiences on intercity busses.

The Most Powerful Man in the World
A parable. There are two versions:

• Prose version
• "Proem" version