Whose Faulty Vision

Since I am going to have to start dating again soon, I need to find a solution to the problem of how to trust a new partner. It wasn’t really an issue with Wilder, mostly because our relationship didn’t last long enough for it to become one. But I’m sure it will be in the future, and I want to find a way to minimize it. I really really don’t want to become one of those jealous, paranoid boyfriends. That’s no fun, and it’s a good way to screw up a good relationship.

So here’s my solution. It’s not a great one, but it’s the best one I’ve been able to come up with so far: Trust because, not despite.

I trusted Christmas “despite”. Despite the fact that I knew she didn’t value fidelity the same way I do. Despite the fact that I knew that she had cheated on boyfriends in the past. Despite the fact that she actually once asked my permission to cheat on me. (I said no, of course, and she assured me that she would be faithful, not that it made the slightest bit of difference.)

So there were a lot of reasons not to trust Christmas, and no particularly good reasons to trust her, except that she said that she loved me–and clearly that isn’t enough.

So in the future, if I’m considering a serious relationship with someone who has major “despites”, or who doesn’t have at least one good “because”, then I don’t think I’ll be able to trust her. Which means I won’t get into a serious relationship with her. Which in turn will hopefully mean that anyone who I do get into a serious relationship with will be someone who I will be able to bring myself to really trust.

Will this mean potentially missing out on what could have been an excellent relationship, with a woman who has a “despite” or two but would still have been faithful to me? Yes, possibly. But I’m hoping it’ll also mean that I won’t be betrayed again. I’d rather spend the rest of my life single than go through that pain again. And I’m also hoping that it’ll mean that I’ll be able to genuinely trust the woman who I do end up in a relationship with.

Oh, and it goes without saying that, if I ever again have a girlfriend ask my permission to cheat on me, that relationship ends on the spot. I wish I’d done that with Christmas, it would have saved me a lot of pain. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.