Whose Faulty Vision

Actual Quotes, Which I Swear I’m Not Making Up, from a Handout Found at The PetCo in Union Square

Is a hissing cockroach the right companion animal for you?

Check “Yes” or “No” after reading the following statements.

1. I have an appropriate location and space for this cockroach.
2. I can feed and clean up after a cockroach daily.
3. I want a pet that doesn’t need to be cuddled or touched.
4. I can commit to providing proper care for a cockroach.
5. A mature person will provide responsible and primary care for this companion animal.

If you answered “Yes” to these statements, a Madagascar hissing cockroach may be the right choice for you!

Okay, Madagascar hissing cockroaches are cool critters, and I would never suggest that they should be abused just because they’re overgrown versions of the pests that NYC apartment dwellers pay good money to have killed. But come on, it’s a cockroach. It’s not a “companion animal.”

(As a side note, it’s funny that a company called “PetCo” seems to be trying as hard as possible to avoid the word “pet”.)

But that’s not the best part. Check this:

Red Flags

• Swollen limbs
• Lethargic
• Bumps, sores or abrasions
• Weight loss
• Abnormal feces
• Discharge in mouth or eyes
• Dull exoskeleton

If you notice any of these signs, please contact your exotic animal veterinarian.

Yeah, I can just see that, can’t you? I rush in to my exotic animal veterinarian, yelling, “quick, doc! You’ve got to help! My cockroach has abnormal feces, and I think he may be losing weight!”