Whose Faulty Vision

Generic State Song

Found this on Usenet, thought it was brilliant:

Sometimes when the grass is blown by the breeze
There’s a far away look in the leaves of the trees
A memory returns, heartbreakingly clear
Of a place I call home, [Your state's name here]

No sky could be deeper, no water so clear
As back in the meadows of [Your state's name here]
I’m gonna go back, although I don’t know when
There’s no other place like [Your state's name again]

(Chorus:)
Oh [Your state's name here], Oh [Again], what a state
I have not been back since [a reasonable date]
Where the asphalt grows soft in July every year
In the warm summer mornings of [Your state's name here]

My grampa would come and turn on the game
And fall asleep drinking [Your local beer's name]
While gramma would sing in the garden for hours
To all of [The names of indigeonous flowers]

The songs that she sang were somewhat obscure
She learned from the local townspeople I’m sure
The language they use is not very clear
Like [Place a colloquialism right here].

(Chorus)

I’d love to wake up where [The state songbird] sings
Where they manufacture [The names of some things]
Like there on the bumper, a sticker so clear
An I, then a heart, and then [Your state's name here]

Whisper it soft, it’s a song to my ear
[Your state's name here, your state's name here]
It’s there I was born & it’s there I’ll grow old
By the rivers of blue and the arches of gold…

(Chorus)

Bee Pun

I’m embarassed to admit how long it took me to get the pun in the title of the upcoming “Bee Movie”.

God of War PSP Coolness

(This post contains a SPOILER for the God of War PSP demo, and therefore presumably for the God of War PSP game. It doesn’t spoil any major plot points or anything, but it spoils something that’s really freaking cool and that you should experience for yourself rather than reading about it. So if you’re considering getting the game, or waiting for your copy of the demo, skip this post until after you’ve played the Attica level.)

I finally got my copy of the God of War demo in the mail yesterday, and played it on the subway this morning. It’s kickass, as you would expect. There’s one moment, in particular, that shows how good the God of War guys are at setting up really excellent enemies.

This happens early in the demo level. Kratos has been fighting Persian soldiers. He has just finished cleaning out a batch of them when a nearby door shatters and a huge cyclops comes pounding through. By huge, I mean that his club is bigger than Kratos’s entire body. He slams his club down on Kratos, but Kratos fends it off. You’re thinking, “Oh, man, now I have to fight this huge cyclops”…

…and then a massive head comes through the door and devours the cyclops in a single bite. This is the real enemy you have to fight. Great introduction, really drives home the scale of the threat.

Link: Random Digits

These reviews of a book of random digits are pretty funny.

Poem: Little Boy Blue

Little Boy Blue
by Eugene Field (1850-1895)

The little toy dog is covered with dust,
But sturdy and stanch he stands;
And the little toy soldier is red with rust,
And his musket moulds in his hands.
Time was when the little toy dog was new,
And the soldier was passing fair;
And that was the time when our Little Boy Blue
Kissed them and put them there.

“Now, don’t you go till I come,” he said,
“And don’t you make any noise!”
So, toddling off to his trundle-bed,
He dreamt of the pretty toys;
And, as he was dreaming, an angel song
Awakened our Little Boy Blue—
Oh! the years are many, the years are long,
But the little toy friends are true!

Ay, faithful to Little Boy Blue they stand,
Each in the same old place—
Awaiting the touch of a little hand,
The smile of a little face;
And they wonder, as waiting the long years through
In the dust of that little chair,
What has become of our Little Boy Blue,
Since he kissed them and put them there.

Famous Advice Debunked

You know that famous advice, that goes something like, “Never eat at a place called Mom’s, never play poker with a man named Doc, and never sleep with someone who has more troubles than you do”? Well, I dunno about those first two parts, but if everyone followed the last piece of advice, it’d be awfully hard to get any. You’d be looking for someone with fewer troubles than you to sleep with, but anyone with fewer troubles than you, if they’re following that rule, wouldn’t sleep with you. So you’d have to find someone with exactly the same amount of troubles as you, and how hard would that be?

Dumbledore Slash

So now that Dumbledore’s gay, I bet it’ll really open up the floodgates of Harry Potter slash fiction:

“Professor Dumbledore, you’ve taught me so much about magic, now could you teach me about sex?”

“Of course, Harry. First, pull out your wand–no, your other one…”